by Shantanee
As I sit here at on a bench in the gym, awaiting BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for anyone who isn’t aware) to start, I’m yet again pondering my life, and what exactly I want from it.
I’ve become so enthralled with Jiu Jitsu, it has recently invaded my dreams. So much so, I woke up this morning clenching my wrist. It may just be the only healthy obsession I’ve ever had. Aside from contemplating whatever maneuver-of-the-day I’m being taught, I spend just as much time wondering “What If?”
What if I had started sooner? What if someone had pushed me this direction? Where would my life be then? What if I was taught better choices? What if? What if? What if?!
Once this starts, I shake my head so rapidly it’s dizzying. My focus isn’t swayed one bit, and I know what I’m supposed to do, but I find it hard to not question what could’ve been.
Without a doubt as time passes, the objective certainly changes and the goals are rearranged. Does that mean that settling is going on? Great. Another question thrown in with the many others that swirl around in my head, to go along with the kittens, rainbows, and princesses! (A little podcast humor, heh.)
I spend so much time in the past, my present suffers. I’m learning to let go of the “What-ifs” and focus on the fact that I’m doing what’s necessary to avoid any “What-ifs” in the future.
It’s quite a daunting task, but who knows? Maybe, just maybe, I’ll make something of myself and have something to be proud of! I’ve accomplished so many small personal goals these past two years I didn’t even think were possible. Here’s to many more! Maybe even some big ones as well! Now if you don’t excuse me, I gotta see a man about an arm bar! 😉
Shantanee is a member of MYDolceDiet.com, a health advocate, and all-around great person! We often post her writing here for its realism and ability to inspire others on their own journeys to Living Lean.
